Torturous week..

It's been hell of a week. And when I say that, it's not like an American slang saying it was darn exciting or what.. I was really hell. Both physically and mentally..

All started on Monday.. First, came the news that me and other Pioneer specs won't be going for Guards Conversion Course.. Mixed feelings. Had been waiting for the course for very long already, and on the eve of the course, told to us that we are not going.. Some of us were very happy, I felt more disappointed. Though a part in me was punching the air that I need not suffer.. But I was disappointed cos I felt that we Pioneers are treated like dirt, nothing important to them. Like, 可有可无, very much disposable.. Felt angry at times also.. Then, diverted attention by jio-ing my friends to go for a short getaway to neighbouring countries during this coming week.. As we were checking tickets and all this, came news that we would still be going for the course after all!! Get my point? We are like, unimportant..

Then, at night came the seed of my whole week of turmoil. A 24 km route march at East Coast. Walked as a batallion.. Lots of campers at night. Merry makers having BBQ and chalets.. As usual, a lot of people like to shout "ORD" to gek us. A young woman, was looking at us and commenting to his male friend as we walked passed.. I heard "Wa, like very fake like that.." Hello?! Like what was very fake?! I had a full battle order on my body, complete with a SAR21 and a increasingly big blister. I might just have pointed my rifle at her and asked her "Fake or not?" Of course, the rifle not loaded. Hehe. Anyway, gained loads of blister after the 24km, and a soreness in my right ankle to throw me wondering if I should go through GCC..

The main concern is my ankle. I mean, it's obvious it's not recovered. And I risk of aggravating it further. I was 90% certain I did not want to go through the course. I know that I probably can't go through a lot of the strenuous activity without worrying about my ankle.. And I was not keen for that kind of pressure. And I really felt damn pressurised. And it was also the course, by going through the course and being excused from a lot of the activities, I was worried I will undermine the course. To me, it is a prestigious course. Of course, there had been people who had got it after doing only the minimum requirements. But I was determined not to be one of those.. If I am going to wear the khaki beret and Guards tab, I will earn it.. If not, I will live with my blue beret. I might regret it later, but I considered that this regret will pale in comparison to the regret that I will get if I injure my ankle further. I told my OC of all my concern and even the CO. But they did not want to take me out of course. Ask me to try my best.

Well, the blister also added to the concern, cos I couldn't walk properly for the past few days.. My left foot is now swollen from an infection of sorts, though it is subsiding.. But that's how bad it is.. And yah, through my own words, "it's the size of Australia on a world map". Haha.. Went to my GP this morning to get medication for the blister, so that it can heal faster. So, I can properly assess how my ankle can take the training once the blister is healed.

Was really really low when they refused to take me out of course.. Very very uncertain. I might not pass the course anyway. And I was prepared to go for the lessons to learn more things about Guards operations but be considered out of course. Meaning I'll not get the khaki beret and Guards tab at the end of the day. But I was prepared to do so, for myself and the standard of the course.

Since they've insisted I stay in the course for now, and that my blister is recovering, I'm now more ready to take on the course.. The ankle is still a worry, but at least one less thing on my mind and I can walk properly again. So, we'll see how it goes.. And hopefully, nothing else will happen to weigh me down...