Jaded..

I'm jaded.. Sigh. I don't know.. Feel tired. Think I should be sleeping earlier.. Late nights have probably taken its tolls on me..

Recently, I sometimes feel funny.. Like what do I want in life? What do I want to be? SLack school terms din help.. really.. Recently, I start thinking about my JC days again. All the what ifs floating on my mind again.. But not dwellng on it too much.. Just the accidental meeting ups with some NCC juniors brought back memories, good and bad.. Seeing a junior in serving NS and doing OCS now makes me wonder.. Why am I still a civilian.. Why am I counting my days to enlistment rather than my days to ORD..

What do I want in life.. Probably due to the happenings in my life and family.. I thought that all I wanted in the future was a happy family with a decent income. But more importantly, family harmony was the top on my mind. Not that it has changed. But now I'm at a point where I realise the ideal is hard to achieve without going through shit.. Fuck. Wad am I talking about? I don't know.. I think my brain is going to crash like a PC does.. Diao..

Dun worry pple, not like I'm in a disarray or something. But just the things playing on my mind recently.